About Me

undergrad RN
I'm a twenty-something Canadian student. After stumbling through a few years of college, I finally managed to get into the nursing school of my dreams, where I hope to graduate in 2012 with a nursing baccalaureate degree. I want to offer an honest look into how a modern nurse is educated, both good and bad. Eventually I hope to compare my education to my day-to-day career and see how it holds up. Whatever happens, it should be somewhat entertaining. Find me on allnurses.com!
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Friday, May 7, 2010

je t'aime

It's been months, although it just feels like yesterday.

Months since you sparked my curiosity, my passion, my desire to get to know you. You seemed so different from me - reserved, shy, understated. So different from what I've been used to. I found it frustrating and intriguing at the same time.

However, that was just on the surface. Underneath that, I found a remarkable sense of humour, a lighthearted joie de vivre, a beautiful, kind, heart of gold, and solid character that did not waver under pressure.

A man whom I can respect. A man who respects me, for all the reasons I want him to.

Last night, the weather was chilly and grey, but it was forgotten in the warm glow of conversation over dinner. Laughing, I told you how I ended up in Scotland and my belief that the Meaning of Life is to create important memories. I said, "in this world, if you aren't loving what you're doing, you are doing it wrong". I talked about how every disappointment in my life seemed to work out to something greater, something incredibly worth all of the hurt. I squeezed your hand meaningfully and smiled.

We talked about travel and life and philosophy. It made me feel good when your eyes sparkled and your dimples showed. I felt, for the first time in a long time, heard, and I knew then that I would miss you like crazy when you left. We only had a few short hours between dinner and this morning when we had to say goodbye.

There didn't seem to be much to say when I was wrapped up in your arms, and I was happy to just be quiet and share the moment with you. We'd kiss, and you'd look into my eyes. I noticed how blue yours were, a different blue than I'd seen before - a kind of aquamarine. We kissed again.

I was about to say something, looking up into your smiling blue eyes, but you said something first.

I'm in love with you.

Suddenly, time stopped. I took a moment to process those words. Did you just say them? Did you mean them, the way I heard them? It was like my mind was swimming through a sweet golden fog. I looked into your eyes again and saw honesty in them. A warm, slow, numbing tingle started in the tips of my toes and spread up from there. I smiled like my face might break in two; a smile echoed by your own.

I wanted so badly to say it back to you but my mind was trapped in that luscious fog, flooded in endorphins, adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin. I took your hand and placed it on my chest, that you might feel my heart racing. I know yours was, too.

I have heard those words before, from other guys. This time did not compare. Not even close.

It was like my heart grew wings.

Finally, the joy that consumed me subsided just enough to let me speak.

"I love you, too."

Stay safe and see you soon. I'm still going to miss you like crazy.